Scientific Ways to Get Over a Breakup uses a default of at least 60 days of no contact (no messages, calls, likes, replies or checking their profiles), long enough for the most intense craving to ease, and research links keeping tabs on an ex online with more distress and slower recovery. Set your start date to count your days and follow the book's day-by-day 30-day recovery checklist; everything stays in your browser.
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Cravings come in short waves. The rule isn't "never", it's "not for twenty minutes". While you wait: write the message in your notes app and don't send it, message your 2 a.m. person, or leave the room your phone is in.
Every day, all 30. These six do the quiet heavy lifting. Ticks reset each day.
One task a day, from the book's 30-Day Plan. Begin on any day, including a terrible one. Today's task is highlighted once you've set a start date.
A rule made in daylight beats a decision made at 2 a.m. Fill in the blanks, copy it, and keep it where you'll see it.
If you are thinking about harming yourself, or feel you can't keep yourself safe, contact your local emergency number or a free crisis line now:
UK: Samaritans 116 123 (24/7) · US: call or text 988 · India: Tele-MANAS 14416 (24x7)
Your safety comes first: talk to a domestic abuse service before changing contact, or call your local emergency number if you're in danger. UK: National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 (24/7) · US: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 · India: Women Helpline 181.
If after several weeks you can't sleep, eat, work or look after yourself, or the pain is getting worse rather than easing, please see a doctor or a counsellor. That's the right next step, not a failure.
Two counters, on purpose. "No contact" counts from the first day of your current no-contact run. If you break contact, press the button: the no-contact count restarts from today, but your 30-day plan keeps going, because a slip costs a few days, not the whole recovery.
Why no contact. Craving for an ex works like other cravings: every message, like or profile check is a small dose that keeps the loop going. Research links ongoing contact and monitoring an ex online with more distress, and links structured reflection, social support, movement, sleep and self-compassion with better recovery. The book's default is at least 60 days of no contact; if you share children, a home or a workplace, it becomes necessary contact only, in writing where possible, about the practical matter only.
The daily tasks follow the book's 30-Day Plan: week 1 stabilise (contact rule, environment, a downsides list, expressive writing), week 2 tools, week 3 rebuild (new activities, people outside the shared circle, self-compassion) and week 4 consolidate. Pain ratings on days 7, 14, 21 and 30 let you see the trend; good days followed by a terrible one are normal and don't mean you've gone backwards.
This tool puts a few of the named techniques from Scientific Ways to Get Over a Breakup to work. Each line says how it relates to the tool.
See every technique in Scientific Ways to Get Over a Breakup →
Scientific Ways to Get Over a Breakup uses a default of at least 60 days of no contact: no messages, calls, likes, replies or checking their profiles. Sixty days is not a magic number; it is long enough for the most intense craving to ease for most people. If you share children, a home or a workplace, the rule becomes necessary contact only, in writing where possible, about the practical matter only.
For recovery, yes: the book's rule includes not looking at their profiles. A study of Facebook users (Marshall, 2012) found that monitoring an ex-partner online was linked with more distress, more longing and less personal growth after the breakup. Mute, unfollow or block, and archive the chat.
Restart the count from today, without attacking yourself. Most people slip at least once; it costs a few days, not the whole recovery, so this counter keeps your 30-day plan progress. Research on divorce (Sbarra, Smith and Mehl, 2012) found that people who talked about the separation with more self-compassion were coping better months later.
There is no reliable formula such as half the length of the relationship. Studies that follow people after a breakup generally find distress is highest early on and eases over the following weeks and months, with brief spikes triggered by reminders. Ongoing contact, rumination and isolation tend to slow recovery; sleep, movement and support from friends tend to help.
Your safety comes first. Contact a domestic abuse service before changing contact, or call your local emergency number if you are in danger. UK: National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 (24/7). US: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233. India: Women Helpline 181.
Emotional wellbeing education, not therapy or medical advice. Everyone heals at their own pace and nothing here guarantees a result.